Do You Say One Thing But Your Hands Give You Away?

Have you ever been in a meeting, doing a presentation, or in a job interview, confident in your delivery, having rehearsed so thoroughly that you can’t say a word wrong, BUT you get the feeling they aren’t buying what you’re saying? You’ve smiled, looked them in the eye, spoken with confident tones… so why don’t they believe you?

Half of your communication is made up of body language. The rest is what you say and how you say it. Given this, it is possible you have been trying to convince your audience of one idea, but your body language has been saying something else. It pays to match your body language with the verbal messages you are delivering, bearing in mind that sometimes even your body language is going to be misinterpreted. For example, when you don’t maintain eye contact it might be because you are shy, nervous or busy looking for something among your papers, but others may interpret it that you are not telling them the truth.

When you study public speaking, one of the lessons you learn is to use hand gestures, not only to help deliver your message more effectively but also to provide something more interesting to look at than someone just standing still with their arms by their sides. The best public speakers all use hand gestures, but not just any old hand gestures… meaningful gestures that help convey their message.

So, let’s take a quick look at gestures to avoid so your body doesn’t inadvertently send the wrong message:

• Don’t stand or sit with your arms folded in front of you

• Avoid standing with your arms hanging uselessly by your side

• Avoid standing with your hands in your pockets

• Avoid Wringing your hands.

• Avoid gripping your self, your own arms.

• Avoid holding your hands in fists or clenching them.

• Avoid keeping them too still and one holding the other as if to keep it from moving.

• Don’t hold your hand up with palm facing the other person (unless you really do want them to stop.)

• Don’t point your finger at other people in an aggressive manner.

• Don’t offer weak, floppy handshakes – handshakes should be firm and confident.

• Don’t use the cutting motion (one hand held like straight, striking the palm of the other hand – often used when emphasizing a point) unless you are doing a presentation and really do wish to emphasize the point!

• Ditto punching your fist into your other hand – this is an aggressive signal if not used appropriately.

• Don’t fiddle with your ear lobes (or anything else.)

• Don’t cover your mouth with your hands or play with your lips.

• Don’t rub the side of your nose.

• Don’t stroke your chin.

• Don’t rub your hands slowly together (unless you’re warming them over an open fire!)

• Don’t hide your hands behind your back.

• Don’t pick at imaginary (or otherwise) bits of fluff on your clothing.

• Avoid inspecting or picking at your fingernails.

• Don’t keep checking the time on your wrist watch.

• Don’t hold your hands behind your head.

• Don’t scratch the back of your neck or head area.

• Don’t fidget with your clothes, especially with collars.

• Avoid wiping your hands on your clothes as though you have sweaty palms.

• Don’t tap your fingers on the table!

• Don’t fiddle and fidget with objects, pens, etc.

• Don’t doodle.

Every one of these movements can be misconstrued negatively and suggest to your audience that you are not telling the whole truth, you are hiding something, you are not to be trusted.

Next time we’ll look at what constitutes “healthy” hand gestures and I’ll leave you with just one last word of warning… some hand gestures have different meanings in different countries and cultures – a gesture that may be everyday in the U.S. could land you in hot water overseas.

If you need help with your body language, so you can avoid the pitfalls and present yourself with natural confidence, email me at info at terriannesmall.com.

Happy signaling!